Trump is sorry. Trump is humble. Trump is scared. Trump doesn’t want to get crushed.


[NYT] “So if I have offended anyone, or because I have offended everyone, I’m sorry.


I’m sorry that I realized too late that all the great put-downs that helped me put away the 16 dwarfs don’t translate well to the general election.


I’m sorry that I’m causing the Republicans to lose control of the Senate and I’m sorry they wish I’d never been born.


I’m really not that sorry to be causing trouble for Paul Ryan, who’s going to lose seats in the House. He’s a prig and I wish he had lost his primary to that tattooed guy who likes me.


I’m sorry I pretended I was going to release my tax returns. Of course I didn’t pay any taxes. I have the all-time greatest real estate deductions and depreciations.


I’m sorry I asked African-Americans “What do you have to lose by supporting me?” in front of a crowd of white people. I’m sorry I can never find my African-American.


I’m sorry I continue lying about my wild gesticulations mocking a disabled reporter at the failing New York Times. And I’m really sorry that Hillary’s super PAC used it in an ad and made me look like an oaf.


I’m sorry I have to sacrifice so much to make America great again. No one would believe the hatred spewed at me on Twitter. It’s amazing how much super-nasty stuff can be packed into 140 characters. Cyberbullying stinks. I’m sorry Al Gore invented the internet.


I’m sorry, given how horribly I’m doing with women, that I need Roger Ailes to help me with the debates and my post-campaign media company. Many people are saying we should call it the “We Only Hire Foxes” network.


I’m sorry I didn’t Google Paul Manafort and see that he had more shady Russian connections than a James Bond villain. I’m also sorry I had to cut him loose. He had a lot of experience propping up dictators. But Paul didn’t know how to play the Trumpet. He had these old-fashioned ideas that when I bravely took on the Khans and that rude baby at the rally that I was punching below my weight. And he didn’t appreciate the genius of my taco bowl tweet.”


Twitter @sheriffali



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